![]() ![]() It means letting go of the need to be right and instead, focusing on being present and supportive. This means being open to their perspective, even if it’s different from yours. It’s about showing them that you are a safe space for them to express their full range of emotions, without fear of judgment or retaliation. ![]() It’s about building a genuine connection with your child. ![]() As they continue to share, you can use active listening techniques like repeating key phrases, reflecting back emotions, and asking clarifying questions to show that you truly understand and are there for them.Īctive listening in P.E.T. That must be really difficult.” This simple acknowledgement validates your child’s emotions and opens the door for a deeper conversation. Imagine saying something like, “It sounds like you’re feeling lonely at school. By simply listening without interrupting, giving your full attention, and reflecting back what you hear, you’re empowering your child to explore their own feelings and find their own solutions. This non-judgmental approach puts your child’s needs front and center. Thomas Gordon’s Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) offers a different route: active listening. Instead of taking the Roadblocks Highway, Dr. Tell me something fun that happened at school instead.” Example: “Let’s not talk about something less negative.Avoiding the issue, using sarcasm, or distracting from your child’s problem.Diverting, Using Sarcasm, Withdrawing, Distracting, Humoring: Example: “Why did you do that? What were you thinking?”ġ2.Asking too many questions that may feel intrusive or judgmental to your child.Example: “Don’t worry everyone feels lonely sometimes.”.Offering comfort without addressing your child’s real concerns or feelings.Reassuring, Sympathizing, Consoling, Supporting: Example: “You’re just doing this because you want attention!”ġ0.Assuming you know the reasons behind your child’s behavior without allowing them to explain.Using derogatory language or labels to criticize your child.Name-calling, Labeling, Ridiculing, Shaming: Example: “You’re such a good kid you wouldn’t do something like that.”Ĩ.Using praise to influence your child’s behavior or agreeing without considering their true feelings.Example: “You never think about others.Expressing disapproval or blaming your child for their actions.Judging, Criticizing, Disagreeing, Blaming: Example: “Let me explain why what you’re feeling is irrational and why my solution is the best.”Ħ.Trying to convince your child with logic or lecturing instead of acknowledging their feelings.Arguing, Lecturing, Teaching, Persuading with Logic: Example: “You should join more clubs at school to make friends.”ĥ. ![]() Offering solutions or advice without considering your child’s ability to solve the problem themselves.Advising, Giving Solutions or Suggestions: Example: “You should always share your toys.Giving moral advice or trying to impose personal values on your child.Example: “If you don’t finish your homework, you won’t get any screen time for a week!”.Using threats or warnings to control your child’s behavior.Example: “Clean your room right now, no excuses!”.Telling your child what to do without considering their feelings or opinions.Let’s look at the 12 roadblocks more closely. You might also like this episode on 8 tips for respectful communication with your child. Roadblocks can also signal a lack of trust in your child’s ability to make decisions. Statements like “Don’t worry, everyone goes through lonely periods” or “You just need to be more outgoing” might seem helpful, but they can make your child feel dismissed and misunderstood. Roadblocks like ordering, judging, praising, advising, even reassuring can send subtle messages that shut down your child’s feelings and discourage them from opening up further. ![]()
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